Go Out and Get Shellaced!

It sounds naughty right? Wrong! SHELLAC is the greatest thing since sliced bread… if you’re a woman… or a man who appreciates the opportunity to admire your woman’s well manicured hands! Yesterday, I turned 28 (Truthfully, I turned 30 but I’m lying about it to anyone who asks and no, I don’t even feel bad about it.), and in honor of my special day I treated myself to a relaxing mani and pedi! I had heard a rumor that there was a magical new way to have glamorous nails without destroying them in the process. Sure, good old fashioned nail polish is always an option, but unless you plan to sit around and not touch or do anything what is the point?! My nail polish ALWAYS chips within the first day or two… ALWAYS! I expected it to be difficult to explain what I wanted since there always seems to be a bit of a language barrier at the salon, but the moment I mentioned it, they knew exactly what I was talking about… Shellac! Basically, it’s a gel they paint on just like regular polish… BUT, it is no ordinary polish. It stays on without chipping for nearly 2 whole weeks! That’s like a lifetime in nail polish years! The beautiful thing about Shella is that it doesn’t damage your nails like solar or acrylic, and it comes off with regular old nail polish remover. It cost about $10 more than a regular manicure, and is worth every single penny! I opted to let my freak flag fly, and got my toes painted black. On my nails however, I opted for a sexy, sassy, red in honor of Valentine’s Day! Not gonna lie, it’s HOT! ;-) Don't believe me? Check out the photo below. The one and only draw back to Shellac is that since it’s relatively new technology, most salons only offer it in a few colors. Still, it beats the white trash chipped nail polish look any day. So ladies, GO OUT AND GET SHELLACED! You’ll dig it, I promise!

INTERVENTION: My Life is a Country Song

Ugh. I have come to a terribly unfortunate realization. My life has become a country song. Upsetting… on multiple levels. Admitting you have a problem is the first step right? I’ll start at the beginning. First, I found myself looking up lyrics to songs I'd heard on the radio wondering how they could possibly have known how to so eloquently express my feelings. Here I am thinking I’m the only person in the world who has ever suffered a broken heart of this magnitude. False. Apparently every song writer in Nashville has met the same guy. The guy who is careless with your heart, won’t communicate, wouldn’t know a good thing if it slapped him in the face, and is still in love with his ex. You catch yourself thinking, “Oh wouldn’t it be great if he could just hear this song and know this is exactly how I’m feeling!” Problem #1: He’d have to care in the first place to put two and two together. Problem #2: He’d have to listen to country music, and the only thing he dislikes more than country music is me. Still, I didn’t realize that my new little habit was evidence of a problem. I was talking about “that guy” with my sister when she interrupted to tell me there is no need to finish the story because she’s pretty sure there’s a Taylor Swift song about it and she already knows the ending. Ouch. She meant well… I think. Then, this afternoon on my way back from Austin, I realized I’m in need of a full on intervention. I was singing in the car… a concert worthy performance… not unusual. Here’s the part that’s hard to confess… I was singing My Strongest Weakness by Wynonna… a classic I can’t go on without him, how will I ever love again, oh this hurts so much country tune. I immediately knew I was in T-R-O-U-B-L-E (there‘s a country song about that too). My life simply cannot go on in country song mode. I need to shift gears quickly! So now, I’m considering new genres… rap, rock, reggae… I think I’ll try to avoid the blues… bottom line, as Tanya might say, “I’m down to my last teardrop,“ and I’m quitting country music cold turkey.

Punxsutawney Phil: Ingenious Meteorologist or Grantor of False Hope?

It’s Groundhog Day. Great. I’m like a human popsicle right now, but it’s okay… good ol’ Phil did not see his shadow today and that means Spring is just around the corner! Right. How the heck did Phil manage to make it out of his snow covered hole?! On the off chance he was really able to tunnel his way out, who in their right mind was willing to stand around in this record breaking cold weather waiting on Phil to emerge from his cozy hole and predict the weather?! Phil has been around a REALLY long time… according to The Official Website of the Punxsutawney Ground Hog Club (http://www.groundhog.org/), he’s been around for 125 years to be exact. I am too lazy to research the average lifespan of a groundhog, but I’m certain it is less than 125 years… especially for obese groundhogs. Phil is fat. I realize it’s not very PC to state the obvious, but this is one well fed groundhog.

It’s no wonder that our nation’s position as leader of the free world is being questioned. We use a seemingly invincible obese groundhog to predict our weather.