Wednesday, March 30, 2011

Peter Pan & The Lost Boys


Attn: Men (and I use this term loosely) of Generation Y… Millennials… Echo Boomers… or whatever it is you’re calling yourselves these days besides bro… GROW UP! Seriously.

I’m starting to notice a pattern within my own generation. No one is interested in growing up… especially the dudes. “You know what I mean bro?!” There are a few of us who have managed to escape most of the negative characteristics of our generation, but let’s face it, even those of us who “have our $h!t together” are still a little irked about society’s insistence that we grow up and conform to the “norm.” What is the “norm” anyway? Millennials are a generation of free thinkers full of new ideas, and a complete and total inability to play by the rules and/or be on time… even if our life depends on it. Basically, we’re awesome! Well, the women are anyway. Just kidding, we come with our own set of quirks that we can address another time.

The guys though… they could use a little help. ASAP! Please understand, I know plenty of successful, employed, respectable MEN that are part of Gen Y. However, I’m noticing an increasingly frightening trend… it’s like all the sudden a posse of slacker dudes have invaded my city… my state… my country… my universe. Yes people, it’s that bad. I’ve decided to refer to the afore mentioned guys as The Lost Boys. The Lost Boys think life is a party, beer is one of the 4 food groups, and they refuse to get a real job. Sounds like college right? Wrong! We’re talking about guys 25-30 years old. Ridiculous right?! It’s no wonder we’re getting married and having children later in life. The Lost Boys are still throwing rocks at us like we’re on the playground. They’re afraid of commitment, disrespectful, and honesty is a totally foreign concept. Chivalry is in fact dead amongst The Lost Boys. It seems to me that in every social circle, The Lost Boys have their very own Peter Pan. The one they aspire to be some day. Here’s the deal though, Peter Pan is just a dude in tights who refuses to GROW UP! He’s the BOY who’s always up for a party and can’t hold down a steady job because it interferes with is social life. He still manages to get by somehow on his talent, his good looks, his sense of humor, or just pure old fashioned luck. He makes being an immature slacker look glamorous, because after all, life is a party right?! Much to my dismay, all of The Lost Boys aspire to be just like him. Ugh. It’s time for The Lost Boys to grow up and get a real job. And no, unless you have a record deal or are paid regularly in cash (not beer) for your gigs, being in a band does not count as a real job! Being a part-time bartender does not count as a real job… try working at least 5 days a week and then you can call it a real job! Being a “club promoter” does not count as a real job unless you’re being paid in cash (not beer and free cover)! Sitting on the couch in your underwear watching infomercials does not count as a real job… even if mommy and daddy are still taking care of your lazy butt! This might require you to roll out of bed before noon. Don’t worry, you’ll live. People have been getting up before noon for years and no one has died from it yet. In fact, they generally prosper. Don’t get me wrong, if I could sleep until noon every day I would too. Sadly, there is no such thing as a little money fairy named Tinkerbell. So, get up off the couch, get dressed in CLEAN clothes that MATCH, and GET A FREAKIN’ JOB! You will never see an ad that says, “Single white female looking for Lost Boy to support.” We’re not your momma, or your sugar momma for that matter. You see, as millennial women, we are totally capable of taking care of and providing for ourselves. We just want to know that you are able to take care of yourself and are capable of providing for us. You don’t actually have to do it, we just want to know that you could. Yeah, yeah, yeah, we know, you all have this dream and you’re afraid getting a real job means you’re giving up on the dream. False. It just means you’re able to afford a car, a roof over your head, and something in your fridge besides beer. You might even make enough to consider taking us out on a real date. (Note: A real date does not in any way include going to the bar with your buddies in tow, being forced to eat off the dollar menu at Jack in the Box, or “chillin” at the apartment.) Keep working towards your dream if you really believe in it, but don’t use it as an excuse to be a deadbeat. To all the “bros” of Gen Y out there, a least make an effort to pretend that you aspire to be something more than one of The Lost Boys forever, and give up the dream of being Peter Pan already… it’s not gonna happen!