Over Analyzers Anonymous… but not really anonymous since I’m about to out myself…

“After many intense brain things going on inside my head, I have decided*…” that I am Ashley York, and I over analyze things. There ya go, first step out of the way… admitting you have a problem. It’s true, I can spend hours analyzing a single sentence, statement, or look. Part of that is simply because I’m female. Yep, I said it and ladies you know it’s true so don’t act all indignant about it. It’s how we roll and that’s a fact. Honestly, I don’t know how guys survive living on the same planet with us. They say, “Hey, how’s it going?” and we analyze that until it’s all twisted around in our head resulting in something like this, “Hey, I’m not really that into you because I only said how’s it going, not how was your day.” Or, your boss says, “Could you send me a recap of your day?“ and suddenly it becomes “I don’t think you work very hard and you’re really not that smart.“ I make a pretty concentrated effort to avoid this foolish pastime of over analyzing, but obviously I don’t try hard enough. I let this nasty little habit surface in all kinds of conversations… work, personal, insignificant encounters with people I hardly know. It drives me crazy! I. NEED. AN. INTERVENTION. So, now that you know about my “little problem” just tell it like it is… say what you mean and mean what you say. Thank you in advance for understanding and making an effort to meet my needs.

The above noted quote is from the movie Madagascar.  Watch it.  You'll like it. 

Faith Like A Child

“They say that I can move the mountains and send them crashing to the sea. They say that I can walk on water if I would follow and believe with faith like a child.” ~ Like a Child, Jars of Clay

As Christians, we profess our faith in God. In reality, as humans, the whole faith thing gets a little tricky. I desire faith like a child. I’m not there yet, but it’s what I’m praying for daily. Remember when you were a little kid and you had complete faith that your parents were going to take care of you, provide for you, and love you unconditionally? Mostly it was because you didn’t know any better. At that age, no one had given you any reason to doubt those facts. Daily, the world and the people around us give us a kazillion reasons to give up on faith. As adults, we struggle to have faith in ourselves, faith in others, and most importantly faith in God. For lack of a better expression, we’re damaged goods. That damage creates fear… fear of the unknown, fear of failure, fear of being hurt… the list goes on and on and on… still, God expects us to have faith. We need faith. How scary would the world be without faith?! Even when you’re going through a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad time, you can still hold onto your faith to help you through because God promised to take care of us and He meant it. Knowing that, and embracing that are two very different things. Everyone struggles with faith in different ways. Personally, I have a hard time with the whole “Let go, and let God!” concept. It’s not that I don’t think He can handle it, it’s that He made me such an independent, self-assured, impatient person. You like how I just blamed my struggle with faith on God?! Geez. It’s that kind of thinking that gets us in trouble in the first place. I have a desire to live in God’s will… I just have a hard time accepting when God’s will and my will don’t match up. I’m a dreamer, and I when I see something I want, I go for it… no matter what. To say that’s a bad idea that will get you nowhere in a hurry would be an epic understatement. So, I’m working on letting go and trying to accept whatever path He has for me. It’s scary… like really really really scary. I know what I want, and I really hope that it’s what God wants too… BUT, if my will and His will don’t match up I hope that He’ll give me the courage to take whatever path He does put before me. I’m probably not going to be a happy camper about it at first, but I know that in the end His plan will be way better than anything I could have dreamed up on my own… which is pretty impressive because I can dream up some doozies. I’m at a crossroads right now where I’m having to work overtime to have faith like a child. I’m just convinced that He has something so wonderful and amazing for me on the horizon that I won’t even re-sign my lease because I’m not willing to commit to staying in San Antonio for another year. I may still be here in a year, but if another opportunity presents itself between now and then, I want to be ready to walk through that open door. Someone asked me where I was planning on going the other day. My answer, I don’t know. He looked at me like I might be crazy… and maybe I am, but at least I know that when the right thing comes along I’ll be ready for the adventure (wherever it takes me)… and hopefully, I’ll follow God’s path with faith like a child!

Click here to listen to Like A Child!

When Life Hands You Lemons… BLOG!

It was recently brought to my attention that I only blog when I’m avoiding other things. While there is some truth to this, it’s not so much that I’m procrastinating… really it’s more that I’m trying to get out of my own head. I’m not avoiding THINGS so much as I’m avoiding THINKING about things that I can’t control and/or don’t understand. It’s like a virtual defense mechanism! Need a break from reality? Blog! So, here I am thinking about ways to not think about what I’m thinking about. Some people journal. Some people drink. Some people cry. Some people talk about it. I blog, avoid, and deny! I may occasionally be guilty of some of the other previously mentioned coping mechanisms as well, but that's not important right now. It’s not that I’m incapable of dealing with reality, I simply understand that very little about my life is actually in my control. Sure I control the day to day stuff, but all the big picture stuff is really up to God. Sometimes it’s not even big picture stuff. Sometimes you get caught up in other people’s decisions and you can’t really change the outcome so why sit around and dwell on it all day? It prolongs all the yucky emotions and gets in the way of the warm fuzzy emotions. I'm a warm fuzzy kind of girl, and I don't like it when the yucky emotions jack with my generally chipper and delightful demeanor. Alas, I’m spending my lunch break blogging about why I blog. It’s a weird world we live in these days. Anyway, here’s what I’m thinking about (while I’m avoiding thinking about other things)… I’m going to write a blog about Lynyrd Skynyrd and the timeless life lessons shared in their songs. It’s true, I think there’s a lot of useful wisdom in their lyrics… think Simple Man. So, that’s what’s on tap for my next blog. Stay tuned!

Peter Pan & The Lost Boys

Attn: Men (and I use this term loosely) of Generation Y… Millennials… Echo Boomers… or whatever it is you’re calling yourselves these days besides bro… GROW UP! Seriously.

I’m starting to notice a pattern within my own generation. No one is interested in growing up… especially the dudes. “You know what I mean bro?!” There are a few of us who have managed to escape most of the negative characteristics of our generation, but let’s face it, even those of us who “have our $h!t together” are still a little irked about society’s insistence that we grow up and conform to the “norm.” What is the “norm” anyway? Millennials are a generation of free thinkers full of new ideas, and a complete and total inability to play by the rules and/or be on time… even if our life depends on it. Basically, we’re awesome! Well, the women are anyway. Just kidding, we come with our own set of quirks that we can address another time.

The guys though… they could use a little help. ASAP! Please understand, I know plenty of successful, employed, respectable MEN that are part of Gen Y. However, I’m noticing an increasingly frightening trend… it’s like all the sudden a posse of slacker dudes have invaded my city… my state… my country… my universe. Yes people, it’s that bad. I’ve decided to refer to the afore mentioned guys as The Lost Boys. The Lost Boys think life is a party, beer is one of the 4 food groups, and they refuse to get a real job. Sounds like college right? Wrong! We’re talking about guys 25-30 years old. Ridiculous right?! It’s no wonder we’re getting married and having children later in life. The Lost Boys are still throwing rocks at us like we’re on the playground. They’re afraid of commitment, disrespectful, and honesty is a totally foreign concept. Chivalry is in fact dead amongst The Lost Boys. It seems to me that in every social circle, The Lost Boys have their very own Peter Pan. The one they aspire to be some day. Here’s the deal though, Peter Pan is just a dude in tights who refuses to GROW UP! He’s the BOY who’s always up for a party and can’t hold down a steady job because it interferes with is social life. He still manages to get by somehow on his talent, his good looks, his sense of humor, or just pure old fashioned luck. He makes being an immature slacker look glamorous, because after all, life is a party right?! Much to my dismay, all of The Lost Boys aspire to be just like him. Ugh. It’s time for The Lost Boys to grow up and get a real job. And no, unless you have a record deal or are paid regularly in cash (not beer) for your gigs, being in a band does not count as a real job! Being a part-time bartender does not count as a real job… try working at least 5 days a week and then you can call it a real job! Being a “club promoter” does not count as a real job unless you’re being paid in cash (not beer and free cover)! Sitting on the couch in your underwear watching infomercials does not count as a real job… even if mommy and daddy are still taking care of your lazy butt! This might require you to roll out of bed before noon. Don’t worry, you’ll live. People have been getting up before noon for years and no one has died from it yet. In fact, they generally prosper. Don’t get me wrong, if I could sleep until noon every day I would too. Sadly, there is no such thing as a little money fairy named Tinkerbell. So, get up off the couch, get dressed in CLEAN clothes that MATCH, and GET A FREAKIN’ JOB! You will never see an ad that says, “Single white female looking for Lost Boy to support.” We’re not your momma, or your sugar momma for that matter. You see, as millennial women, we are totally capable of taking care of and providing for ourselves. We just want to know that you are able to take care of yourself and are capable of providing for us. You don’t actually have to do it, we just want to know that you could. Yeah, yeah, yeah, we know, you all have this dream and you’re afraid getting a real job means you’re giving up on the dream. False. It just means you’re able to afford a car, a roof over your head, and something in your fridge besides beer. You might even make enough to consider taking us out on a real date. (Note: A real date does not in any way include going to the bar with your buddies in tow, being forced to eat off the dollar menu at Jack in the Box, or “chillin” at the apartment.) Keep working towards your dream if you really believe in it, but don’t use it as an excuse to be a deadbeat. To all the “bros” of Gen Y out there, a least make an effort to pretend that you aspire to be something more than one of The Lost Boys forever, and give up the dream of being Peter Pan already… it’s not gonna happen!

Go Out and Get Shellaced!

It sounds naughty right? Wrong! SHELLAC is the greatest thing since sliced bread… if you’re a woman… or a man who appreciates the opportunity to admire your woman’s well manicured hands! Yesterday, I turned 28 (Truthfully, I turned 30 but I’m lying about it to anyone who asks and no, I don’t even feel bad about it.), and in honor of my special day I treated myself to a relaxing mani and pedi! I had heard a rumor that there was a magical new way to have glamorous nails without destroying them in the process. Sure, good old fashioned nail polish is always an option, but unless you plan to sit around and not touch or do anything what is the point?! My nail polish ALWAYS chips within the first day or two… ALWAYS! I expected it to be difficult to explain what I wanted since there always seems to be a bit of a language barrier at the salon, but the moment I mentioned it, they knew exactly what I was talking about… Shellac! Basically, it’s a gel they paint on just like regular polish… BUT, it is no ordinary polish. It stays on without chipping for nearly 2 whole weeks! That’s like a lifetime in nail polish years! The beautiful thing about Shella is that it doesn’t damage your nails like solar or acrylic, and it comes off with regular old nail polish remover. It cost about $10 more than a regular manicure, and is worth every single penny! I opted to let my freak flag fly, and got my toes painted black. On my nails however, I opted for a sexy, sassy, red in honor of Valentine’s Day! Not gonna lie, it’s HOT! ;-) Don't believe me? Check out the photo below. The one and only draw back to Shellac is that since it’s relatively new technology, most salons only offer it in a few colors. Still, it beats the white trash chipped nail polish look any day. So ladies, GO OUT AND GET SHELLACED! You’ll dig it, I promise!

INTERVENTION: My Life is a Country Song

Ugh. I have come to a terribly unfortunate realization. My life has become a country song. Upsetting… on multiple levels. Admitting you have a problem is the first step right? I’ll start at the beginning. First, I found myself looking up lyrics to songs I'd heard on the radio wondering how they could possibly have known how to so eloquently express my feelings. Here I am thinking I’m the only person in the world who has ever suffered a broken heart of this magnitude. False. Apparently every song writer in Nashville has met the same guy. The guy who is careless with your heart, won’t communicate, wouldn’t know a good thing if it slapped him in the face, and is still in love with his ex. You catch yourself thinking, “Oh wouldn’t it be great if he could just hear this song and know this is exactly how I’m feeling!” Problem #1: He’d have to care in the first place to put two and two together. Problem #2: He’d have to listen to country music, and the only thing he dislikes more than country music is me. Still, I didn’t realize that my new little habit was evidence of a problem. I was talking about “that guy” with my sister when she interrupted to tell me there is no need to finish the story because she’s pretty sure there’s a Taylor Swift song about it and she already knows the ending. Ouch. She meant well… I think. Then, this afternoon on my way back from Austin, I realized I’m in need of a full on intervention. I was singing in the car… a concert worthy performance… not unusual. Here’s the part that’s hard to confess… I was singing My Strongest Weakness by Wynonna… a classic I can’t go on without him, how will I ever love again, oh this hurts so much country tune. I immediately knew I was in T-R-O-U-B-L-E (there‘s a country song about that too). My life simply cannot go on in country song mode. I need to shift gears quickly! So now, I’m considering new genres… rap, rock, reggae… I think I’ll try to avoid the blues… bottom line, as Tanya might say, “I’m down to my last teardrop,“ and I’m quitting country music cold turkey.

Punxsutawney Phil: Ingenious Meteorologist or Grantor of False Hope?

It’s Groundhog Day. Great. I’m like a human popsicle right now, but it’s okay… good ol’ Phil did not see his shadow today and that means Spring is just around the corner! Right. How the heck did Phil manage to make it out of his snow covered hole?! On the off chance he was really able to tunnel his way out, who in their right mind was willing to stand around in this record breaking cold weather waiting on Phil to emerge from his cozy hole and predict the weather?! Phil has been around a REALLY long time… according to The Official Website of the Punxsutawney Ground Hog Club (http://www.groundhog.org/), he’s been around for 125 years to be exact. I am too lazy to research the average lifespan of a groundhog, but I’m certain it is less than 125 years… especially for obese groundhogs. Phil is fat. I realize it’s not very PC to state the obvious, but this is one well fed groundhog.

It’s no wonder that our nation’s position as leader of the free world is being questioned. We use a seemingly invincible obese groundhog to predict our weather.