Lions & Tigers & Bears! Oh my! Just kidding, you only need worry about feral hogs, coyotes, snakes, bobcats, and mountain lions…

In typical Ashley fashion, I set out on an adventure this afternoon… one of the outdoor variety. As many of you know, the outdoors and I are generally not on good terms. I’m allergic to just about everything, and I don’t like to sweat. Thus, I generally avoid the great outdoors at any and all cost… unless I’m floating the river… never mind, I digress. I like to think I’m an outdoorsy person, and I like to play dress up in REI/North Face gear, but truthfully, I’m a fraud. Today was the perfect day for an outdoors adventure. The weather was just right, the painters were repainting my recently flooded home office (don’t ask!), and I recently bought some snazzy exercise gear. AKA, new stretchy pants and a matching hoodie. I had heard that McAllister park had some great trails for walking, biking, hiking, etc. I also heard that someone was murdered there, but seeing as how I subscribe to the belief that I’m invincible, I wasn’t worried about that part. So, with the park address entered into my trusty GPS, I set out on my great adventure. When I arrived it looked exactly as I had imagined it… a forest-like hideaway in the middle of San Antonio. I parked, hopped out of the car, and took off! A few feet down the trail, I encountered this:

I had no idea where the trail ended. Did it wind around in a circle? Right of the bat I was a little apprehensive, but then once greeted by this ominous sign I decided I was doomed. My confidence in my ability to make it out of the park alive was severely damaged by this sign… and that little tidbit about the murder I mentioned earlier. However, I forged on! Much to my delight, I passed several other walkers that had no visible signs of being attacked by wildlife or a stranger wielding a gun. In fact, they were all very polite and humored my West Texas tendency to greet them with a friendly wave and a hello. About 20 minutes into my walk I started to hear some rustling in the bushes. I panicked. There’s no other way to describe it. I thought surely I was about to be dinner for a heard of feral hogs. Alas, I was wrong… which doesn’t happen very often. Upon closer inspection I discovered this:

What a beautiful blessing! I was going to live and I got to see a whole heard of deer instead of a whole heard of vicious feral hogs… or worse. Suddenly, they were all over the place. I don’t know how I didn’t notice them before, but for the rest of my walk I was on high alert snapping pictures right and left. Luckily, they live in a park in the middle of the city so they didn’t exactly run off screaming STRANGER DANGER when they saw me. Mostly they just looked at me with indifference… which was only slightly insulting given that I was sporting my snazzy new exercise gear. Anyway, my walk turned out to be more fun than I could have possibly imagined, and I think I might just try it again tomorrow. Only this time, I might take something to protect myself just incase word travels fast in the park that there is fresh meat on the trail…